Circumstantial Beliefs
by Mon Esprit Libre
Summary: Luffy accidentally slips and says something about a brother nobody knew about. Rather AU. A LOT of omakes as well as not-even-close-to-being-stupid!Luffy by accident. Co-written with Cana-Puff. Technically a one-shot, rated T.
1. Chapter One

**Title: Circumstantial Beliefs**

**Rating: Rated T.**

**Pairings: None.**

**Genre: Hurt/Comfort and Parody.**

**Summary: Luffy accidentally slips and says something about a brother nobody knew about. Rather AU. A LOT of omakes as well as not-even-close-to-being-stupid!Luffy by accident. Co-written with Cana-Puff.**

******Author's Note: Any questions regarding the story can be asked via PM or review to either me or Cana-Puff.**

**Beta: N/A.**

**Warnings: Language, violence, stupidity, character death during the omakes, and hyperventilation/breakdowns.**

**Category: One Piece**

**Uploaded: August 3rd, 2013**

**(Section Break)**

As they bobbed about underneath the sea's surface in a protective bubble, Luffy watched the fish, enraptured. Usopp and Chopper looked along with him, each making their respective _ooh_s and _aah_s when they saw something particularly amazing. The skeletal musician, Brook, looked at the sea life as well, sipping tea calmly with a chipped cup.

Zoro watched the rubberman and company with a large mixture of emotions flowing through-out him. On one hand, it might bring up unpleasant memories, but on the other hand, it could help Luffy struggle through a huge problem that all of the Straw Hats knew Luffy was keeping suppressed. The swordsman sighed before hoisting himself up from his seat against the cabin wall. Walking over silently to the captain of the ship, he noticed that everyone save Chopper had stiffened slightly. Zoro crossed his arms across his scarred chest.

"Luffy."

The black-haired teen turned to face Zoro, oblivious of what would happen. "What's up, Zoro?"

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Um, yeah," Luffy replied, tilting his head to the side in confusion. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well...with your brother's death and all, I doubt you've said anything about it to anyone."

The tension on the _Thousand Sunny _became slightly palpable as Luffy's grin faded into a smaller, sardonic smile. The rubberman's pained eyes locked with the green-haired pirate's as a small murmur escaped his lips.

"_It wouldn't be the first time_."

Lifeless silence filled the bubbled-in _Sunny_. "Luffy-san," Brook uttered softly as he heard Luffy's words, his cup clattering on the saucer with an audible _chink_.

"What do you mean, Luffy?" Robin inquired, closing her book and scooting to the edge of her chair. "'It wouldn't be the first time'?"

"Oh, nothing," the captain answered, his grin back at full force. "It's not really a big deal anymore, anyway."

Sanji frowned. "Oi, Luffy. What did you mean?"

Luffy pouted slightly. "I didn't mean anything!" he said.

"Luffy," Nami insisted, entering the conversation, "you've been holed up in some island we don't know about for the past two years. I seriously doubt you haven't just pushed all your thoughts and feelings on the matter away."

"It's not a big deal," the black-haired teenager repeated, his pout becoming more of a frown.

"This is important," Zoro said. "Luffy, please tell us."

Luffy looked at his crew skeptically. "I don't want to."

Chopper looked about with concern, only half-understanding what was going on. "Luffy," the reindeer said, "it might be beneficial to your overall mental health..."

The captain looked around the deck. Every single one of the Straw Hat Pirates were looking away or pining for Luffy to go on. He sighed and shifted himself, looking at them with pleading eyes. They didn't give in.

The troubled Captain sighed deeply. "Fine," he muttered. "I'll tell you."

"That's really super of you, Luffy," Franky commented, grinning. Luffy smiled weakly back before sighing again, laying down and putting his hands beneath his head as he looked out through the top of the bubble enclosing the _Sunny_. The pirates quickly surrounded him, sitting in a childish half-circle formation with crossed legs.

"Well," Luffy began, "when I was seven, Gramps sent me to live with some mountain bandits. I didn't really like them at first, but I suppose they were better than nothing. I met Ace there."

"I'd forgotten you and Ace weren't brothers," Sanji interjected. "You seemed impossibly close for people who weren't blood related."

Luffy smiled a very small smile, accepting the words as a form of compliment. "He was mean to me at first," Luffy responded with a slight grin. "He tried to kill me a bunch of times, actually, but I eventually was able to find where he kept -"

"Whoa, wait a second!" Usopp exclaimed. "Tried to _kill _you!?"

"Well, yeah," Luffy responded, laughing fondly. "He wasn't very nice."

"But Ace was really polite," Nami protested. "When we met him in Alabasta, he seemed so humble!"

"He wasn't always like that," Luffy laughed. "He asked Makino, the barkeeper in the village I lived in before that, to teach him manners. Anyway, I eventually found out where he would go every day. He would meet up with a blond kid that was his age and they would store treasure in a compartment. I gave myself away trying to befriend Ace and they yelled at me until some pirate-guy came and accused Ace of stealing his money." Luffy turned a bit more somber. "Those two turned tail and ran while they captured me. To be fair, I did kind of screw them over, but..."

"What did they do when they captured you?" Zoro asked.

The rubberman shivered slightly. "They had me for a few hours. Kept punching me with gloves that had sharp, metal points over the knuckles. After a while, some of them were saying that they should stop and that I would die, but the one doing it just hit me harder. Eventually, as I started losing consciousness, Ace and the blond guy came to save me. Ace asked me why I kept the secret when they were hurting me, to which I replied that being hurt is better than being alone. I couldn't see, but I think my words shocked him."

"Why would they do that?" Brook inquired, returning to his tea.

"Ace hated his father," Luffy said. "Because of his father, he was constantly told that he shouldn't be alive and that he should die just for existing. He would never be loved, never be liked, never have friends, be hunted if his heritage ever came out..." The straw hat-wearing teenager sat up and folded his legs. "He asked me if I wanted him to live. I yelled at him for thinking I didn't. I think he cried.

"After that," Luffy continued, "things went a lot smoother. A bit later, Ace told us that he had stolen some saké from the mountain bandits. On those cups, we became sworn brothers." He smiled absently, his eyes seeming to cloud over a little bit. "We met up every single day, practicing fighting and getting money so that we could buy a pirate ship." Pausing, he looked at his audience. His crew was looking at him with rapt attention for once, and oddly enough, he felt put on the spot.

"So that's how it happened," Robin mused. "But what about after that? And what is the blond child's name?"

Luffy took a deep breath, preparing himself and trying to find the right words. "Sabo. He was taken from us," he replied dimly. "We were sneaking around the town one day and someone called his name. We took off running since Sabo said he didn't know the man, but after we got back he revealed to us that it was his father. Sabo was a noble who had run away from home." There was a slightly wistful look that appeared in Luffy as he spoke. "He hadn't told us because he was afraid we'd get mad. Ace shot down that belief quickly."

"Sounds like you were very close," Chopper commented, smiling a bit.

Luffy nodded but hunched himself over slightly. "Sabo said that we could just ignore him, but soon those pirates came back. They told us that his father demanded Sabo be brought home and took him while we were at the dump looking for stuff. We chased after him, but then I saw it."

"Saw?" Nami continued for him.

"I..." Luffy hunched over more. "I had told them that I wanted a telescope earlier that day. I found one on the top of a pile Sabo was at, smashed by something heavy right down the middle." He shuddered. "We got to Sabo finally when the father told Sabo to say that we'd forced him into being a thief. We were angry at the noble, but then Sabo said that he'd willingly go home if we were unharmed." Luffy shuddered again, his voice beginning to shake slightly. "H-he accepted and disappeared. Ace and I went into depression for a while, but then..."

"Then?" Usopp inquired softly.

Luffy brought his knees up to his chest as his eyes watered. "Sabo... the day that the Celestial Dragon came to the island, he ran away from home and went out to sea so he could escape his life." He shook. "I didn't e-even know u-until after it had happened, w-when one of the bandits c-came back with the news, but..."

He sobbed openly, trying to wipe his eyes. "_They killed him_."

Robin looked at him sympathetically. "And after?" she asked.

"It was q-quick, he said, but then we re-received a letter from Sabo," Luffy narrated, his cries making him stutter over the words. "It got worse, a-and Ace snapped. The b-bandits tied him up because h-he kept destroying s-stuff..." Luffy tugged at the edges of his straw hat to hide his face, not even noticing the crew at that point, but instead seeing the events play back in his mind. "It was like t-that for months. A-Ace told me to stop crying, since h-he didn't like crybabies, but I c-couldn't. We would k-keep imagining him t-there with us and we'd hear his v-voice, telling us the exact s-same things. He... he wasn't even happy!" Luffy exclaimed through his tears. "We thought he was, with that rich noble family of his..." he muttered as his voice cracked. "It's our – no, _my _fault – that we didn't go save him..."

Luffy's hands trembled where they gripped his hat, clawing at the straw in anguish. He was curled up into a tight, protective ball by now. "He was killed! It was my fault! _All mine_!" He sounded on the verge of hysterics. "Just like Ace! They're dead because of _me_!" A raw, agonizing cry ripped from his throat. It was becoming harder to breathe, Luffy realised, and he vaguely noted that Zoro was on his feet in alarm at that point.

"Oi, Luffy!" Zoro yelled, clutching at his hysterical captain's shoulder. Luffy didn't have the strength or the mind to pull away, but his breath quickened and he let out a high-pitched sob. Drawing in breaths was becoming even more difficult, and soon enough, he realised that he wasn't unable to breathe anymore. He couldn't think at that point and started breathing in more rapidly, trying to get the oxygen he felt like he needed. The crew gathered around him hastily with Chopper at the forefront. Luffy, wild-eyed, scrabbled wildly at his chest and face, leaving small red welts over his X-shaped scar.

"Try to breathe slower!" Chopper requested. "Robin, can you get my medical supplies?"

She nodded and activated her Devil Fruit abilities, bringing a medium-sized bag out of the inside of the ship. The reindeer hastily got a stethoscope out and took Luffy's heart rate. "It's too high," he murmured as he looked throughout his bag. "I don't have anything to help him control his breathing, either." He looked as Luffy continued breathing in far too quickly before he rummaged through his bag more with a worried look on his face, not sure just exactly _what _to do. He looked pleadingly around to see if anyone else had an idea, but none of them did. Chopper turned back to Luffy, rubbing his back and quietly requesting him to breath slower while covering his mouth so that he had to breathe in through his nose. It wasn't good for the panic aspect, but it helped a little bit. Unfortunately, as Chopper retracted his hoof from in front of the rubberman's mouth, he began breathing in heavier and heavier and heavier until Nami noticed something.

"The bubble!" she exclaimed. "We don't have enough oxygen in here for us to reach Fishman Island if Luffy continues hyperventilating."

"Should we knock him out?" Robin wondered.

"I wouldn't advise it," Chopper said, "but if what Nami said is true, then we may have to."

Sanji looked around hesitantly. "I'll do it," he said, walking up to the captain who was still a bit crazy. He braced himself and brought his foot up before swinging it down, knocking the black-haired teen unconscious using Armament Haki. They moved him into the medical bay before returning to their everyday duties, although none of them seemed to focus much on them. There were few incidents during the rest of the trip to the island, and the big ones were easily handled by the disgruntled powerhouses on board. When they finally reached the island itself, Luffy had only woken up once (and briefly at that) before going back to sleep, emotionally exhausted beyond belief.

When they docked on the island, they helped transport Luffy to Keimi's house. The mermaid had found them by accident and berated them for failing proper procedure to enter the island. She admitted that it possibly _was _a bad idea for them to enter using proper procedure due to the government, but other than that, nothing more was said. Chopper briefly explained what had happened to the captain and requested to be by his side while he recovered. Keimi nodded and left the two alone. Later on, Chopper decided to go out into the city to see if there were any medical ingredients he could find for a medicine that would calm someone down. During his trip, he didn't notice that someone was looking at him curiously.

A day later, Sanji headed out with Keimi for food. Chopper was hesitant due to Sanji's "condition," but let him go under the promise that they would hurry back. Neither would have noticed, of course, that the same someone was looking at them with the same sort of curiosity he looked at the reindeer with. The person ended up deciding to trail the two back to the place they were staying at, confirming the suspicions that were plaguing the person's mind. _He's here._

That night, while everyone was sleeping, an unidentified male snuck into the house. He was in the room that was being used as a makeshift medical area for the captain of the Straw Hat Pirates. He moved a chair and sat in the corner, watching the steady rise and fall of the rubberman. _I wonder what happened._

He checked the pocket watch he had in his cloak, adjusting its position so he could eventually read it in the dim light provided by the window he'd snuck in through. Deciding it would be best to _not _take a nap in case that someone decided to check in on the straw hat-wearing boy who wasn't actually wearing his famous straw hat while he slept, he settled himself into a comfortable position and waited for the morning.

It came along with a few screams, of course.

"Who're you!?" Keimi exclaimed, dropping the tea she was bringing in for when Chopper came to check on Luffy.

The man rubbed the back of his neck, laughing a bit. "Well," he said, "I was hoping to speak to Luffy."

Several of the pirates inhabiting the small apartment rushed into the room, weapons at the ready. "Who's there?!" demanded Zoro, swords halfway out of their sheaths as he came into the room, Sanji hot on his heels and Chopper not far behind them.

The suspicious blond man held up his hands in defense, smiling amicably. "I'm not here to harm anyone," he said soothingly.

"That doesn't answer the question," Zoro growled.

The blond ignored the green-headed swordsman and looked over to see the rubberman. "Ahh, it's been a while," he murmured with fondness. "I still remember him when he was a round-faced child." He let out a small chuckle.

Robin, who had been in the room before even Zoro got there, looked at the man inquiringly. "You knew him when he was a child?"

"I like to think I knew him quite well when he was a kid. 'Course, I only knew him for six months, so I'm not really sure about everything." He rubbed a hand over his cropped hair.

Robin's eyes widened in understanding, but before she could comment on his admission, a groan came from the bed, capturing everyone's attention. Luffy had woken up. Everyone's heads snapped towards him, watching carefully. Zoro was the first to approach him.

"Oi." He knelt down by Luffy's bedside. "You feeling okay now? You gave us a fucking fright earlier, you know."

Luffy sat up, blinking blearily at him. The events of a few days ago came back to him in a rush, and he winced. "Oh...ah, I guess I'm okay. I mean, that stuff happened ages ago. I told you earlier: I'm okay. More importantly, I've missed _far_ too many meal -" He froze, his eyes drifting to a point past Zoro's shoulder. He bolted up from his position on the bed and shoved Zoro out of the way and onto the floor, a grunt reaching his ears as his hand hit the swordsman's shoulder roughly.

The blond man, who he'd locked eyes with, offered him a friendly wave. "Luffy, you've grown up, haven't you?"

Luffy made a noise at the back of his throat, trying to find his voice. When he did find it, he managed to gasp, "Are you...a ghost?" It would have been comical, had it not been for the utter seriousness in his voice.

"Fortunately, no," the blond answered with amusement. "Are you?"

"Why would _I_ be?!" Luffy choked out. "I'm alive. Ace...made sure of that."

The blond looked at the rubberman sympathetically. "I know," he replied with a sigh. "I'm sorry I couldn't help you, Luffy."

"Who is this guy?" Nami asked, deeply confused by the conversation.

"A-are you really who I think you are?" Luffy asked, disregarding both the apology and Nami's question.

"'Fraid so," he responded, a sad smile on his face.

"Ace died thinking you were dead. He never knew..." Luffy muttered. "Sabo..."

The room froze as those words left Luffy's mouth.

"Sabo...?" Nami repeated. "You mean...?"

"Wait, the dead brother you were telling us about back then? He's here now? Wh-what a coincidence, yohohoho..." Brook laughed awkwardly.

"Not super, bro," Franky muttered, silencing him.

"You told them about me?" the blond, now Sabo, inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"I told them about how you'd _died_," Luffy replied. "How...?"

Sabo hesitated before replying with a grin. "...Your dad's a great man, you know that?"

"Dad is?" Luffy blinked, taken off-guard. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn't that.

Sabo nodded. "The Revolutionaries were in the area the night the Celestial Dragons came," he said. "I guess they just happened to be in the right place at the right time; I've never really questioned it. But when my boat was shot down, I was rescued by them."

Luffy had fallen completely silent, shocked beyond words. Then he began to blubber, tears gushing down his cheeks, chest heaving. Chopper was worried for a moment that he might have a relapse, but instead Luffy flung himself forward with a strangled cry, flinging his rubbery arms around Sabo two or three times each. Sabo stumbled back slightly but didn't waste any time hugging back as Luffy soaked his chest with tears and snot. There was an incredibly fond smile on the blond's face as he did so, even as a few of the Straw Hats grimaced.

"You're really here!" He sobbed.

Franky was bawling - if at all possible - harder than Luffy was. Chopper and Usopp were even shedding a few happy tears for their Captain. Zoro propped himself up from his position on the floor and smiled. There was nothing better than seeing his Captain happy, and he was sure the whole crew could agree with that.

In the end, Sabo explained most of what he could about the Revolutionaries and Dragon to Luffy. On top of that, Sabo also explained that he was there on a top-secret mission and actually needed to get back to it. Luffy had teared up even more when Sabo had said that, having been so delighted when he had learned that Sabo really _was _alive and really _hadn_'t died.

Later that day, Sabo gave the captain a small smile as he prepared himself to leave.

"Will I see you again?" Luffy asked hopefully.

"Only if you stop being a crybaby," Sabo teased, a nostalgic grin on his face. Luffy returned the grin with a firm nod.

"See you then," the rubberman said, watching as the blond began walking off with a wave over his shoulder. "Sabo."

**(Section Break)**

**Once again, the amazing Cana-Puff has inspired me to do a thing. I hope it didn't suck too terribly.**

**If you review, virtual cookies. If not, that's fine too. As long as you like the story, everything's all good!**

**Shameless advertising: **Cana-Puff is a cool person – go bother her for a while. I also have another one-shot stashed away somewhere that can be found on my profile called _A Way to Win_. It's for Naruto. I also-also have another one-shot for One Piece called _A Toast to Life_, so check it out if you're interested.


	2. Chapter Two

******Title: Circumstantial Beliefs**

**Rating: Rated T.**

**Pairings: None.**

**Genre: Hurt/Comfort and Parody.  
**

**Summary: Luffy accidentally slips and says something about a brother nobody knew about. Rather AU. A LOT of omakes as well as not-even-close-to-being-stupid!Luffy by accident. Co-written with Cana-Puff.**

******Author's Note: Any questions regarding the story can be asked via PM or review to either me or Cana-Puff.**

**Beta: N/A.**

**Warnings: ********Language, violence, stupidity, character death during the omakes, and hyperventilation/breakdowns.**

**Category: One Piece**

******Uploaded: August 3rd, 2013**

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 1 (using the word "green crayon" to describe Zoro)_

The tension on the _Thousand Sunny _became slightly palpable as Luffy's grin faded into a smaller, sardonic smile. The rubberman's pained eyes locked with the green crayon as a small murmur escaped his lips.

"_It wouldn't be the first time._"

The crayon reeled back, shocked. Its paper began peeling off as the wax began melting from surprise. Luffy stood up abruptly and screamed, lunging himself at the green crayon. "_NO!_" he yelled frantically. "_SHAMROCK GREEN! NOOOO!_"

Nami sighed in exasperation. "Calm down, Luffy," she sighed as Luffy ran around screaming over his ruined crayon.

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 2 (mystery third brother)_

The tension on the _Thousand Sunny _became slightly palpable as Luffy's grin faded into a smaller, sardonic smile. The rubberman's pained eyes locked with the green-haired pirates's as a small murmur escaped his lips.

"_It wouldn't be the first time._ _Or the last, for that matter._"

Robin eyed the Straw Hat captain wearily. "Are you an assassin, Captain-san?" she asked.

Luffy's eyes grew wider. "Shit! I wasn't supposed to tell you about him!"

"Who's 'him'?" Brook wondered.

"Um..." Luffy mumbled, unsure. He looked up and jumped up from his seat and plunged himself into the bubble, popping it immediately with his razor-sharp teeth. They all died from the pressure of the ocean, except for Brook, who sadly looked on as his body fell to the bottom of the sea.

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 3 (what-the-fuck!Robin)_

"_It wouldn't be the first time_."

Lifeless silence filled the bubbled-in _Sunny_. "Luffy-san," Brook uttered softly as he heard Luffy's words, his cup clattering on the saucer with an audible _chink_.

Luffy shrugged, turning and facing the fish again. His melancholic aura damped all the Straw Hats as they waited for him to say something.

And they waited, and they waited, and they _waited_...

And they _waited._

They waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited until Robin finally stood up abruptly and shouted, "_FUCKING SAY SOMETHING!_"

Everyone turned to stare at her until she literally died of embarrassment, her dead body hitting the deck with a _thump._

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 4 (yes, this one purposely sounds dirty)_

"Well," Luffy began, "when I was seven, Gramps sent me to live with some mountain bandits. He's just the fucking bestest grandfather ever, huh? I love him _soooo _much for placing me with those bandits! He's just the bestestestest! He's so loving! He's so fucking perfect; I love him to death! I wish I had become a Marine so I could be closer to him! He's such a nice grandfather!"

The rest of the crew stared at the rubberman until he shrugged and turned to face the fish once more, ignoring those around him. The subject was dropped.

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 5 (this one is complete shit)_

"Try to breathe slower!" Chopper requested. "Robin, can you get my medical supplies?"

She nodded and activated her Devil Fruit abilities, bringing a medium-sized bag out of the inside of the ship. The reindeer hastily got a stethoscope out and took Luffy's heart rate. "It's too high," he murmured as he looked throughout his bag. "I don't have anything to help him control his breathing, either." He looked as Luffy continued breathing in far too quickly before he rummaged through his bag more with a worried look on his face, not sure _what _to do. He looked pleadingly around to see if anyone else had an idea, but none of them did.

Luffy died that day, leaving the heartbroken crew to do whatever they would do if their captain were to die.

It was all Zoro's fault.

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 6 (hitchhiking!Sabo)_

Luffy's hands trembled where they gripped his hat, clawing at the straw in anguish. He was curled up into a tight, protective ball by now. "He was killed! It was my fault! _All mine_!" He sounded on the verge of hysterics. "Just like Ace! They're dead because of _me_!" A raw, agonizing cry ripped from his throat. It was becoming harder to breathe, Luffy realised, and he vaguely noted that Zoro was on his feet in alarm at that point.

"Did someone mention me?" a blond, curly-haired boy inquired, crawling out of a barrel that was on the deck.

Luffy's attention was drawn by the man. "S-Sabo?" he wondered.

"Yo," Sabo said. "That you, Luffy?"

"How... how...?"

"How am I alive?" Sabo asked. "Uhh, I hitchhiked on the Celestial Dragons' ship and was hitchhiking on yours."

"Hitchhiking?" Nami queried.

"Yeah," Sabo replied. "I'm trying to hijack the One Piece."

"...the fuck?"

Luffy suddenly jumped up and hugged Sabo to death.

"_SABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" _

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 7 (mental!Luffy)_

"I wouldn't advise it," Chopper said, "but if what Nami said is true, then we may have to."

Sanji looked around hesitantly. "I'll do it," he said, walking up to the captain who was still going mental.

"Bunnies," Luffy giggled. "Sunshine!"

"What the heck...?" Usopp wondered.

"RAINBOWS!" the mental captain yelled, bolting up and jumping through the bubble into the ocean. He died within minutes.

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 7 (Merry arrives)_

That night, while everyone was sleeping, an unidentified male snuck into the house. He was in the room that was being used as a makeshift medical area for the captain of the Straw Hat Pirates. He moved a chair and sat in the corner, watching the steady rise and fall of the rubberman. Suddenly, he moved forwards and poked the teenager until he woke.

"W-wha...?" Luffy mumbled sleepily.

"FUCK YOU!" Merry yelled angrily. "YOU RUINED THE SHIP I PUT MY HEART AND SOUL INTO DESIGNING! I WAS SO ANGRY WHEN I FOUND OUT YOU HAD DAMAGED HER BEYOND REPAIR! AND THEN YOU EVEN HAD THE NERVE TO BURN HER! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, STRAWHAT!?"

"Who are you?" Luffy inquired, tilting his head.

Merry screamed and took out a hidden knife from his pocket and stabbed Luffy through the heart multiple times, killing the rubberman. He ran out through the window, "baa"ing as he went.

The next day, he was arrested for murder.

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 8 (creepy!Robin)_

The blond ignored the green-headed swordsman and looked over to see the rubberman. "Ahh, it's been a while," he murmured with fondness. "I still remember him when he was a round-faced child." He let out a small chuckle.

Suddenly, a very recognisable face appeared on the wall. Usopp squeaked in fright as Robin's voice came out of the mask-like addition on the bare surface. Chopper yelled and transformed, smashing Robin's face and injuring her. Since nobody could tell where she actually was due to her use of her ability, she bled out and died. Meanwhile, the blond man took use of the distraction and murdered Luffy. He ran out and died in the street from being a dumbass.

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 9 (laser!Robin)_

"I like to think I knew him quite well when he was a kid. 'Course, I only knew him for six months, so I'm not really sure about everything."

Robin's eyes suddenly shot a green beam, destroying the blond. "Oops," she chuckled. She then was murdered by Luffy, who had shot awake upon hearing the lasers.

"THAT WAS HIM!" Luffy yelled angrily. "HE WAS THE THIRD BROTHER!"

"...What?" Nami wondered.

"Shit," Luffy muttered before taking out a knife and stabbing himself to death.

"I'll get the mop," Keimi volunteered as Luffy fell over, dead. Nami then stabbed her to death for being an asshole.

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 10 (naruto crossover)_

Robin's eyes widened in understanding, but before she could comment on his admission, a groan came from the bed, capturing everyone's attention. Luffy had woken up. "What's going on, Gais?" he greeted sleepily.

"What?" Nami wondered.

Suddenly, a mass of men with bowl-cuts and green jumpsuits rushed in yelling, "DYNAMIC ENTRY!" and killed everyone, save for Luffy. Even Keimi was not spared. Luffy then woke up entirely.

"Oh, hey Gais," he said.

"You called?" the Gais inquired, flashing blinding smiles towards the pirate.

"You killed my nakama," Luffy noted, looking around. "Is that the third brother?"

"Indeed," the Gais replied. They then left using Spiderman tactics and died in the street from overexerting their mental boxes. Luffy committed suicide later that day, distraught that the Gais had died.

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 11 (Zoro is Marco and Marco is Zoro)_

Robin's eyes widened in understanding, but before she could comment on his admission, a groan came from the bed, capturing everyone's attention. Luffy had woken up. Everyone's heads snapped towards him, watching carefully. Zoro was the first to approach him.

"Yoi."

Luffy looked at Zoro oddly. "Yoi?" he repeated.

"Shit," Zoro muttered. He suddenly unzipped a zipper that appeared over his face and climbed out of the humanoid suit. "Hey, guys."

"What the fuck?" Nami wondered.

"My name's Marco," he said. "Nice to meet ya, yoi." Then he burst into flame and pecked at the ground with his magnificent phoenix beak.

"Fuck this," the third brother muttered before killing the Marco-Zoro-Marco-Zoro guy. Nami then killed the third brother for killing the Marco-Zoro-Marco-Zoro guy, to which Luffy killed Nami for killing the third brother for killing the Marco-Zoro-Marco-Zoro guy. Keimi then snapped and murdered all of them.

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 12 (comas)_

"Oi." He knelt down by Luffy's bedside. "You feeling okay now? You gave us a fucking fright earlier, you know."

Luffy sat up, blinking blearily at him. The events of a decade ago taunted him. "What?" he wondered.

"You've been in a coma," Chopper explained. "We've missed you, Luffy."

Luffy sat stock-still. "Has anyone found the One Piece?" he inquired.

"Yeah," Nami replied. "We did."

Luffy then killed them all for being impatient little fucks. Except for the mystery third brother, of course.

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 13 (choking!Luffy)_

The blond man, who he'd locked eyes with, offered him a friendly wave. "Luffy, you've grown up, haven't you?"

Luffy made a noise at the back of his throat because actually he was choking and gonna die. Zoro rushed towards him and tried to perform the heimlich maneuver, but instead accidentally squished his organs out of his mouth. Luffy died instantly. Zoro then committed seppuku. Keimi then killed all of them except for the mystery third brother, who she then eloped with. The end.

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 14 (just one bathroom joke had to be included)_

"Ace died thinking you were dead. He never knew..." Luffy _d.

"_d?" Robin wondered.

"Pissed," the blond supplemented.

"Can you even do that?" Sanji inquired.

"He can," the man said with amusement evident in his tone. Luffy ran out of the room blushing. Keimi then took the opportunity to kill everybody but the mystery third brother. Then they eloped and died later that evening.

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 15 (Aokiji)_

"Ace died thinking you were dead. He never knew..." Luffy muttered. "Sabo..."

The room froze. Literally. Aokiji had arrived and killed all of them except for Keimi, who he sold to a World Noble because he's a dick.

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 16 (reading atmospheres es importante)_

The room froze as those words left Luffy's mouth.

"Sabo...?" Nami repeated. "You mean...?"

"Wait, the dead brother you were telling us about back then? He's here now? What a coincidence, yohohoho!" Brook laughed awkwardly.

Everyone proceeded to rip out Brook's afro. Brook cried and died, the pain of losing his hair being too much for the disembodied soul.

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 17 (bitter!luffy)_

"You told them about me?" the blond, now Sabo, inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"I told them about how you'd _died_. Or not, apparently," Luffy replied bitterly.

"You okay, Luffy?" Sabo asked.

"Fuck no I'm not," Luffy responded. "My brother _died _and then my other brother was supposed to be _dead_. So why the _fuck _aren't you dead? And why the _fuck _didn't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry, Luffy," Sabo apologised, "but I wasn't able to contact you. Even now, I'm not supposed to -"

"Some superior's ordering you around, then?" Luffy scoffed. "Fuck ya'll."

He then took a cowboy hat out of nowhere and pulled two guns out of it. He killed everybody in the room, saying, "Nobody fucks with the status quo," and then killed himself.

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 18 (wizards 4 lyfe)_

Sabo nodded. "The Revolutionaries were in the area the night the Celestial Dragons came," he said. "I guess they just happened to be in the right place at the right time; I've never really questioned it. But when my boat was shot down, I was rescued apparently by like a Devil fruit user but I don't even fucking know how that happened when I was drowning it's a mystery and like -"

"It was magic," Luffy decided.

"Are you -?" Sabo asked, surprised.

Luffy nodded, pulling off his shirt and showing Sabo his tattoo. _Wizards 4 Lyfe._

Sabo hugged Luffy and they all lived happily ever after.

(Magic solves everything, including the death of everyone but the mystery third brother.)

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 19 (Zoro, you baka)_

Luffy had fallen completely silent, shocked beyond words. Then he began to blubber, tears gushing down his cheeks, chest heaving. Chopper was worried for a moment that he might have a relapse, but instead Luffy flung himself forward and consequently tripped over Zoro who was still lying on the floor where he'd been pushed over at the beginning of the conversation. And the moment was forever ruined. Fuck you, Zoro.

**(Section Break)**

_Omake No. 20 (mystery third brother revisited)_

"See you then," the rubberman said, watching as the blond began walking off with a wave over his shoulder. "...Mystery third brother."

"You betcha," Sabo murmured. He was indeed the mystery third brother. He cackled as he pulled the skin-suit off of him, revealing none other than... FUCKING MERRY!

What a creep.

**(Section Break)**

**Cana-Puff and I had a little instant-updating chat within Google Docs:**

**exactly omg hahaha Oh because i can god, then the next deal with it morning people woke up and suddenly u jerk there was this shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh man shhh stranger in the room just gazing at well excuse fucking me them asshole ily tho creepily 3 you had better hahaha why are you in the middle of the paragraph wffff this muhahhhaah paragraph is a bunch of jumbled it is mess read it as is**

**(she said: "This is what happens when you communicate with your beta via Document Share")**

**Also, this could be horribly disproved in a variety of ways. Wizards 4 Lyfe used as a reference to the tumblr blog what-the-fuck-is-one-piece.**

**If you review, virtual cookies. If not, that's fine too. As long as you like the story, everything's all good!**

******Shameless advertising: **Cana-Puff is a cool person – go bother her for a while. I also have another one-shot stashed away somewhere that can be found on my profile called _A Way to Win_. It's for Naruto. I also-also have another one-shot for One Piece called _A Toast to Life_, so check it out if you're interested.


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